🎁 A GIFT TO DRIVERS — FREE FOREVER

Track every shift you'll ever do. Free.

A monthly calendar + heatmap for everything you earn — costs, tax, hours, miles, take-home. Plus a tabloid newsroom, a satirical court, a daily quiz, and an anonymous group chat. Built by drivers, for drivers. Free. Forever.

100% ANONYMOUS FREE FOREVER OPEN WORLDWIDE
30-second walk-in. No sign-up. No email. No depot. No company.
Auto-assigned a daft handle on arrival.
📅 JUNE 2026
MONTH TOTAL
£3,847
LOGGED
18/30
AVG / DAY
£213
1£196
2£148
3£278
4£204
5£162
6
7£221
8£289
9£171
10£198
11£312
12£165
13
14£234
15£152
16£295
17£187
18
19
20
GROSS
£4,902
COSTS
−£468
TAKE-HOME
£3,847
🎁 WHY WE BUILT THIS

A gift to drivers everywhere.

Every driver knows the road but the road doesn't know them. We made this so couriers everywhere have one place that's actually theirs — to track what they're earning, read about the job, take the piss out of it, write about it, and sit in judgement of the daft. Free. Forever. Couriers of the world, unite.

📰 THE NEWSROOM

Tabloid courier news. Write your own.

Stories from the floor, court reports, and satirical originals — all in a proper newspaper format. Type a few keywords, the AI helper turns it into a full tabloid article. Add a photo. Get comments. Stay anonymous.

  • AI helper writes the story from your keywords
  • Image uploads, full article pages, share buttons
  • Reader comments + emoji reactions
  • Court verdicts auto-appear as breaking news
THE NEWSROOM
🎭 ROASTER ORIGINAL

Reverse beep on company van played at funeral; mourners report 'oddly fitting'

The distinctive 'beep-beep-beep' of a reversing courier vehicle was played during a memorial service in lieu of music. Attendees described the choice as 'moving'…

💬 FROM THE FLOORMARKER MAYHEM at undisclosed depot
⚖️ COURT REPORTFakeCo Express sentenced by jury
📰 FRESH FROM THE FLOOR

Actual stories from inside.

⚖️ THE ROAST COURT

Sit on the jury. Banish the daft.

Theatrical satirical court — wooden panels, a judge with a wig, chandelier overhead, scrolling court ticker. File charges against a universal experience, or banish a fellow driver by handle. 24-hour live hearings. Daft sentences.

  • Live hearings on a real 24-hour timer
  • Categorical charges — no slander, no real names
  • Jury notes + verdict tallies per charge
  • Auto-generated P45 you can screenshot
🔔 NEW JUROR SWORN IN · ⚖️ FAKECO EXPRESS — CHARGE 2 ABOUT TO STICK · 📄 WHEELIE BIN POSTAL CO. — SENTENCED · 🪧 BY ORDER OF THE WHEELIE BIN · 🚐 VAN-iSH LOGISTICS — STILL IN THE DOCK · ⚡ MOTION DENIED — THIS IS NOT A REAL COURT
🧮 EARNINGS CALCULATOR

Your shift book, finally proper.

Monthly calendar with a heatmap of every day you've logged. Track earnings, costs, hours, miles, take-home. Multiple currencies. Stays on your device — never published. The Court of Personal Finance rules on every shift.

  • Monthly heatmap + per-day editor
  • 10 currencies (£, €, $, ₹ and more)
  • Costs, tax %, hours, miles → take-home
  • Daft monthly verdicts: "COURT-CERTIFIED PROFITABLE"
📅 JUN 2026
£3,847 TAKE-HOME
1£148
2£196
3£278
4£204
5£162
6
7£221
8£289
9£171
10£198
11£312
12£165
13
14£234
£/HOUR
£17.42
£/MILE
£1.18
VERDICT
PROFITABLE
💬 THE GROUP CHAT

Anonymous chat. Drivers worldwide.

Drop in, read what other couriers are saying, react with 🔥 💀 🤣, post your own. Every driver gets a daft handle. Tap any handle to send them straight to the court for jury trial. No real names. No depots. No bother.

  • Anonymous handles, emoji reactions, share buttons
  • One-tap "Banish to court" on any handle
  • House rules baked in
  • Open to drivers anywhere in the world
Multi-Drop Marc · 3h
Right, who else is still recovering from yesterday's manifest? Started at 84, finished at 112.
🔥 12💀 7💯 5
Cig Break Steve · 2h
Got asked to do a 90-minute pickup again. Ate three sausage rolls in the cab waiting. Worth it.
🤣 14🔥 8
Wheelie Bin Whisperer · just now YOU
Customer note today: 'just put it in the bin if I'm not in'. The lid was up. The lid is back up. Posted it.
🧠 THE DAILY QUIZ

Four questions. Every driver. Daily.

Postcode round + Word Of The Day. Same puzzle for every driver in the country. Streaks. Bragging rights. Wordle-style share grid for the group chat.

  • Postcode quiz + courier-slang word of the day
  • Streak tracker — keep it alive every day
  • Share your result like Wordle
🧠 THE DAILY QUIZ · ROUND 2
What does "PORCHED" mean to a courier?
Parcel left in plain sight on the front step
Customer who signed for parcel they claim never arrived
Van squeezed onto a tight driveway
Delivery at a house with no doorbell
🔥 12-DAY STREAK
💸 SPEND AMAZON'S MONEY

Amazon's worth £1.5T. Spend it.

Try to hit zero. Spend on Greggs, vans, depots, holiday pay for every UK driver, or an aircraft carrier. Generate a receipt, share it. Pure share-bait.

  • 44 items across 6 categories
  • Live balance with progress bar
  • Shareable receipt — group chat fodder
REMAINING
£1.2T
SPENT
£330B
🥐A Greggs for every driver£600M
🏖️Holiday pay forever£50B
🚀A small space station£15B
⏱️ 30 SECONDS TO START

No sign-up. No depot. No bother.

1
Walk through the door

Tell us you're a driver. That's it. No email, no depot, no company. Auto-assigned a daft handle the moment you arrive.

2
Pick a thing

Log today's shift. Read the newsroom. File a story. Sit on the jury. Take the quiz. Lurk if you fancy.

3
Keep it

It's yours. Free, anonymous, forever. Tell another driver. The more of us, the daftier it gets.

🪧 HOW WE KEEP IT CLEAN

The house rules.

The platform works because the rules are firm. Here's what they are.

Doors are open.

Anonymous. Free. Couriers everywhere. The court is in session, the newsroom needs stories, and the calendar's waiting for today's shift. Walk in — we'll sort the rest at the door.

🪧 ENTER DELIVERY ROASTER →